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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 11, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT

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"jimmy kimmel" is right here next. [ male announcer ] in 1996,
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presesident clinton and a bi-partisan congress helped end welfare as we know it, by requiring work for welfare. but on july 12th president obama quietly announced a plan to gut welfare reform by dropping work requirements. under obama's plan, you wouldn't have to work, and wouldn't have to train for a job -- they just send you your welfare check. and welfare to work goes back to being plain,ld welfare. mitt romney will restore the work requirement, because it works. [ romney ] i'm mitt romney and i approve this message.
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>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" -- tonight -- with cleto cletones. here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everybody. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming and sitting like civilized people.
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that does not go unnoticed. glad to see everyone made it through the earthquake. we had a little earthquake here last night. did you feel it? i slept right through it. i did. now who's dumb for living in a bouncy castle? [ laughter ] it was centered in marina del rey, which isn't far from here. 3.7 on the richter scale. like a tenth of a kurt russell movie earthquake. it's not too bad. [ laughter ] happened at 3:15 in the morning. my girlfriend woke up right away and googled earthquake in l.a. but nothing hahad been posted y so -- then she went to twitter and saw that josh groban confirmed that he felt it, too. that is how we exchange information. sometimes in l.a., you don't know if it was an earthquake or if lindsay lohan crashed her car into your house. that's when we turn to groban for the news. you know how they say animals can sense when an earthquake is coming, how come they never tell us? some barking would be nice.
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what is the point of keeping that information to yourself? and then they wonder why we eat them. [ laughter ] the other big news here in l.a. is that our city council voted to ban medical marijuana dispensaries. so, good luck finishing that reggae album, snoop dogg. very bad news for pot smokers, as well as the makers of fun-yuns. and visine. we have a lot of marijuana stores here. 762 marijuana stores, to be exact. about 800 cupcake shops that rely on them for their business. our mayor is expected to support the ban, which would go into effect in 30 days, which means that the dozens of people who rely on medical marijuana to help them with debilitating illness and the millions of people who pretend to have illness so that they -- rely on it to watch reruns of
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"c.h.i.p.s." in the middle of the night won't be able to buy it legally. you have to go back to the old fashioned way, asking your weird cousin for pot, but -- medical marijuana advocates are obviously upset about this. they made it known at the city council meeting yesterday, where the vote was taking place. one guy, gentleman named john walsh, i thought, made excellent points in this impassioned impromptu speech. >> now, i see people out here that need medical marijuana. now, i tried it once, didn't like it and never did it again. that's the same reason i don't have any children. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: might be a few reasons why -- the haircut, for one. surprisingly the city council just ignored that guy. and that's the outfit he picked out today without smoking pot. he is not a smoker. there's some strange stipulations to this supposed ban. first of all, they might allow 170 of the shops to stay open, which would mean we would only have 170 pot shops. people are furious. and also, patients will be allowed to grow pot at home and
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share it with up to three friends. which -- what? [ laughter ] how are people who are high supposed to understand this? the problem with growing pot at home is, you have to buy specialized equipment, which is potentially cost prohibitive. unless, of course, you have one of these. >> there's a new pet that makes you feel great. chia pot. chia pot. the pottery that grows marijuana. it's fun and easy. soak your chia. spread your seed. keep it watered. watch it grow and smoke it. >> whoa! >> and now, you can grow a collection of fun with chia pot teddy bears, puppies, rams, bulls. it even works as a water pipe. order two chia pots and get a companion cheeto pet free. the perfect post-chia snack. to order now, call 1-800-720-06 -- no, 7 -- uh --
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>> available at walgreens. [ applause ] >> jimmy: probably nobody will remember to water it. there you have it. hey, some bad news for greenland and potentially all of us. according to nasa, the ice covering greenland is melting, which is alarming because it could be a sign that global warming is happening much faster than anticipated. and also, because i had no idea greenland was a real place. apparently it totally is. normally, during the summer, about half of what they call the ice sheet melts away in greenland. this summer, the amount of ice went from 60% to 3% in only four days. which i don't know -- it can't be a coincidence that this happened on exactly the same weekend they released "magic mike" over there, can it? [ laughter ] i mean, wow. if you are going to the beach this summer, here is something to look out for. shark sightings are up this year in the united states, primarily in the states that border an ocean.
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[ laughter ] still no trouble in, like, north dakota, none, nothing. shark-wise. nobody knows for sure why, but some scientists are blaming seals. they say they are migrating closer to shore, which is forcing the sharks to come in closer because they eat seals. instead, they are eating people, which is bad news for us because we are people, but -- rest assured we are not taking this lying down. we are fighting back, the best way we possibly can. >> hey, seals. you're cute. you're cuddly. you swim right up to us. you are so friendly. but we know what's going on. you're trying to get the sharks to eat us instead of you. nice try, jerks. do yourself a favor. get the [ bleep ] away from us or we'll make you into boots. paid for by get the [ bleep ] away from us or we'll make you into boots. and heidi klum. [ applause ]
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>> jimmy: this is pretty -- this is great. this is a video of a walrus named e.t. e.t. lives at the tacoma zoo. i don't think i've seen a walrus do anything other than roll around. but this walrus almost knows how to talk. [ growling ] >> growl. sputter. bubble. whistle. >> welcome to hollywood! [ applause ] >> jimmy: kind of makes me miss ruben studdard. actress kristen stewart is in a weird story.
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evidently, she was caught cheating on her boyfriend and "twilight" robert pattinson. i call them k-stew and r-pat. saves me time. "us weekly" got photos of her kissing the director of her movie "snow white and the huntsman." a guy named rupert sanders. aren't you supposed to sleep with the director before the part? i would ignore this, but today kristen and rupert issued public apologies. kristen said this momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person i love and respect the most, rob. is it -- this woman had a werewolf and a vampire fighting over her, she goes for a guy named rupert. so, she is sharpied out of my "twilight" cast poster. this is scary. two uranium enrichment plants in iran were hit by computer hackers. they unleashed a virus that not only shut down the computers in the plant and made the computers blast an ac/dc song at top volume. scientists are there -- just a
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fun prank against some good-natured folks. no major damage has been done. they could have had the "call me maybe" virus or even worse, the dreaded miley cyrus virus, which is -- iran is taking the attack seriously. this morning, president mahmoud a-members only-jacket, condemned it in a televised address to his people. >> to those responsible for the cowardly attack on our nuclear facility, these are dirty deeds done dirt cheap. dirty deeps done dirt cheap. dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap. >> jimmy: nice to see they made a fan out of him. [ cheers and applause ] mitt romney is traveling abroad. mitt romney today left for a trip to meet with leaders in
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other countries and to visit his money. he missed it. i'm not exactly sure why romney is doing this. is it possible that he's looking for a country that he can buy if becoming president doesn't work out here? maybe -- i don't know. romney will be in london on friday for the opening ceremony at the summer olympics. there was a big blunder at the olympics today. the north korean women's soccer team refused to take the field because they showed pictures of the team on the jumbotron and they mistakenly inserted a south korean flag, north korea and south korea hate each other. they are like the donald trump and rosie o'donnell of countries. they but they didn't spoil t mood in north korea. love is in the air. their new leader got married. that is the happy couple. he swept her off her feet, literally. his guards broke into her house and carried her away. no official announcement was made but a news report on the state-run television reported that he visited an amusement park with his wife and then everyone was like, oh, i guess he has a wife now. and she's the wife. that's too bad. i was hoping he would be the
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next bachelor. north korean women's soccer team beat columbia today 2-0. so, they will not be executed yet. [ laughter ] oh, no, i'm saying is they kill them over there if they don't succeed. the olympics have kind of started already, though the opening ceremony isn't until friday. they played the first round of women's soccer. the u.s. women's team beat france, 4-2. [ applause ] i tell you what, i haven't -- is it -- i'm not sure if you like soccer or you just like beating france or what it is. but i'll tell you this, i haven't seen so many women fighting over one ball since lance armstrong. [ applause ] and while the win against france was thrilling indeed, it did not compare to the opening game between great britain and new zealand. great britain won it, 1-0, thanks to moments like this.
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it's time for our "women's soccer play of the day." [ applause ] >> jimmy: you notice, no one was in the stands behind the goal. i thought they said soccer was popular in europe. i'm starting to doubt that. you know, apparently there are two olympic mascots this time around. that is them. they are supposed to be two drops of steel, which makes no sense anyway. but they -- they -- i don't know what they look like. if i saw one of these mascots, i would have no idea it had anything to do with the olympics. but that is the olympic mascot. i don't get it. maybe other people -- we did a survey today. we sent a camera out onto hollywood boulevard. we got a nice mix of people out there and tonight, we asked folks out on the street if they could guess what this creature is supposed to be. and the results will not surprise you.
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>> what is this? >> do you want me to say it? >> are we allowed to say it? it's a penis. penis with a helmet. >> what is this? >> that's a penis. >> that is definitely a penis. >> a giant smiling penis? >> are you sure? you want me to say that? that looks like a happy penis. >> giant penis. [ laughter ] >> all right, looks like a pee-pee. >> that looks like a penis. >> a penis with a helmet? >> that's a penis. with a face on it. >> that's a penis, dude. what's up, man? >> that's the new mascot for the olympics? >> jimmy: all right, we got a winner. [ applause ] what are you going to say? that's what it looks like. we have a good show for you tonight. rosemarie dewitt is here.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight on the program, starting this friday, you can see her alongside ben stiller, vince vaughn and jonah hill in the new movie "the watch," rosemarie dewitt is with us. and then, with music from this album, it comes out august 21st. it's called "chapter five," trey songz from the bud light outdoor stage. be sure to join us tomorrow. our guests, jessica biel, adam richman from the travel channel and we'll have music from rick ross. for ten seasons of television, our first guest was there for you week after week as phoebe on "friends." she's been nominated for an emmy season two of her show "web therapy." it airs on tv mondays at 11:00 on showtime. please say hello to lisa kudrow. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: how are you? did you feel the earthquake last night? >> yeah, yeah. woke me up. >> jimmy: see, i didn't. i slept right through it, like a lump. >> lucky. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess so. >> i thought it was pretty strong, though. >> jimmy: you know what to do in case of an earthquake? >> stay in bed. >> jimmy: is that what they say? >> well, i heard someone say that once. >> jimmy: stay in bed? >> you know, someone substantial. >> jimmy: someone lazy? is that right? they said stay in bed? >> she said, the safest place might be your bed. it's soft. >> jimmy: it might not. >> if it's big enough. >> jimmy: congratulations. not only -- two shows nominated. >> right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "web therapy" and "who do you think you are?" that's great. do you get two seats for the emmys? >> yeah, we get a lot. i'm just making that up. i don't know. >> jimmy: almost no excuse for not brinng your entire family to the show with you. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: what was the first award show you were nominated for that you remember going to?
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>> "friends." >> jimmy: the show itself? i figured it was "friends." >> oh, you mean which episode? >> jimmy: no -- >> who was hosting, emmys, golden globes? >> oh, i don't know. it could have been the comedy awards, too. >> jimmy: was that even around back then? >> maybe not. [ laughter ] i don't know anything. >> jimmy: you don't remember? >> no, but i remember the -- well, they were all pretty exciting, the first two hours. >> jimmy: the first two hours. the next three is where things tail off? >> well, yes. you know, after they announce your category and you lose and then you realize, well, i'm just sitting in a chair for a long time. [ laughter ] and then you think, oh, no, i forgot, i'm really appreciative. really, really appreciative. >> jimmy: you kind of have to hang out because your show is nominated and that goes at the end but the disappointment lingers throughout. >> that's right. >> jimmy: you did win, so, it makes up for all of us. >> yeah, we won.
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and i won one, it was good and -- the golden globes are fun. because it's like a cocktail party. >> jimmy: right. >> it's fun because it's the first time you see film people and you are on tv and so -- oh, my god, kathy bates is talking to us. oh, she's never seen the show. why is she talking to us? >> jimmy: was that the case? >> yeah. i think she had never seen the show. like, "you guys are fun!" and we were at the bar. and then we were thrilled because susan sarandon walked over to our table, like, whichever way she was headed, she changed directions and came to our table. we were all dying and she said, "listen, i mean i know you have a show, you guys, my kids watch it. i don't watch tv, i've never seen it." but -- >> jimmy: kind of a compliment? >> well -- and then you're like, well, of course, you're susan sarandon. why would you -- >> jimmy: you wouldn't soil yourself with television. >> why would you? >> jimmy: did you get that a lot? sometimes you wonder why people bring it up in the first place.
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why -- they are actors. they can lie better than anyone in the world. [ laughter ] >> they can. >> jimmy: you would think. >> right. and i think they're honest folk. >> jimmy: it is better when they say your kids watch when they say, like, my grandparents watch or something. >> right. i've gotten that, too. i've gotten that for "who do you think you are?" hey, that's great. you know, my grandparents love that show. that's great! >> jimmy: matt leblanc was here. he said he first realized "friends" was a huge hit, i think he said helicopters were on the news and each helicopter had a camera pointed at each of the cast members' houses. they were on split screens and he thought, okay, this must be a big deal. what was your moment like that when you realized what it was? >> i mean, i guess, the big deal was jim burrows got the -- you know, directed the first ten and he's -- >> jimmy: a legendary tv producer and director. >> right. and he got, before the show even aired, he got the studio to give
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us a private jet and he took us to las vegas. he gave us gamble money and dinner. he said, you all have to pay attention to this moment. because, in this moment, it's the only time that the six of you can be out together and be anonymous. and -- >> jimmy: wow. he was right, i guess, huh? >> it turns out. but everyone else was like -- my god. and i thought, well, maybe. how do you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a healthier way of looking at it. >> and a fun personality to go along with it. >> jimmy: what are you doing over the summer? working? >> um -- well, yeah, i'm getting -- we're still delivering "web therapy" to showtime. we do it ourselves. it's in our office, there's no, like, i feel like -- there are no professionals in charge. >> jimmy: well, as professional as professionals get. how old is your son? >> he's 14.
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>> jimmy: is he hanging around the house watching you work or -- >> yeah, that's fun for him. no, he's going to, like, film school. new york film academy has a program out here and he's in film school and making films this summer. >> jimmy: oh, that's fun. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're complaining about doing that, he's doing it for fun right now. >> i'm not complaining. >> jimmy: i think we have one of the films your son has been working on here, is this -- oh, yeah, there it is. >> that's right. [ growling ] >> jimmy: he's an excellent director. >> he is. >> jimmy: he wants to be in show business, i assume -- >> he might. he might. >> jimmy: did you know at his age that this was something that you wanted to do? >> at 14, yeah, i was interested. i was writing sketches and performing and thought it was hilarious. in high school, i thought, well, that's no way to live a life. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. and i decided i was going to be
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pre-med when i got to college. >> jimmy: and did you do that? >> yeah, i was a biology major. >> jimmy: did you learn anything -- could you help somebody if there was an issue, like, let's say i were to seize up or something here on the show, do you remember any of that biology stuff? >> well -- i mean -- [ laughter ] my father and brother are doctors, i know a little bit. >> jimmy: we call them? >> mostly i was doing stuff to rats. so -- >> jimmy: like what? >> well, i mean, i did have one really fascinating project, i have to say, where i -- well, i'm -- won't tell you the whole thing though it's fascinating, but -- [ laughter ] i had to, like, castrate 21 rats. >> jimmy: what? >> i had to. >> jimmy: 21? >> 21. >> jimmy: ceremony of some kind? >> three groups of seven, you know. >> jimmy: how do you castrate a rat?
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>> it's a surgical procedure that i learned. with my dissection kit. and i got -- i got really good at it, i mean, i could do it in like five minutes. i felt really safe walking back to my, you know, where i live on campus. >> jimmy: you're like bob barker's dream girl. this is incredible. we're going to take a break. we're going to talk about "web therapy." meryl streep, one of your guests. more with lisa kudrow when we come back. we'll be right back. read it tweet it be surprised be productive. make a sale make some lunch make it movie night. play a game or an old favorite. do it all more beautifully, with the retina display, on ipad.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we are back with lisa kudrow. we were talking about your show "web therapy" which started as a web show and it was a short thing you do with celebrities and you would interview them and kind of an improvised comedy deal and then you got picked up by showtime. >> right, right. >> jimmy: it's a full, real show. and you have unbelievable guests on the show. >> yeah. meryl streep is really unbelievable. >> jimmy: doesn't get any better than that. how do you get her to do your show? >> well, you know, i ran into her at a vassar thing and she said, oh, i like that "web therapy" show you do. i was like, what? you do? you've seen it? yeah, how does it work, what do you do? i told her, she said, it sounds fun. and anyone who says, it sounds
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fun. i say, great, you want to do it? and she said, i'd love to you. i was like, understand i'm really going to get in touch with you and really try to schedule it? she said, great, i hope you do. and she did it. she did it. >> jimmy: wow. >> she came up with a character and she showed up and she was unbelievably good. >> jimmy: we have a clip from that episode. what do people need to know? you have not interviewing meryl streep, it's a character she's playing. >> she's playing a gay conversion therapist. because fiona's husband, kip, who is running for congress, has, you know, encounters with men. but he's, you know, so, his backers require he get straightened out before the campaign can commence. >> jimmy: she's the person to do the job. >> right. >> jimmy: here it is. it's called "web therapy," mondays at 11:00 on showtime. >> we put him in a private room and we let him do whatever he wants. of course, he's hooked up to
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electrodes and we present different stimuli. and we have given him his choice of pictures and images to look at and he'd rather look at a picture of david hasselhoff while receiving a massive dose of the voltage that we're currently allowed to administer under the law. >> uh-huh. >> he'd rather look at that than a picture of you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's very funny. who do you have coming up this season on the show? >> minnie driver. she's so funny. and victor garber plays fiona's husband. alan cumming is in it. i think -- >> jimmy: you created your own show out of nothing on the internet. >> basically nothing. >> jimmy: congratulations and good luck at the emmy awards. lisa kudrow, everybody. "web therapy," monday at 11:00
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on showtime. we'll be right back with rosemarie dewitt. [ pistol fires ] ♪ [ male announcer ] didya know quarterback robert griffin iii was a world-class hurdler and when training, he always runs to subway for his favorite protein-packed turkey breast just loaded with all the veggies the bread can hold. [ rgiii ] subway. the official training restaurant of robert griffin iii and athletes everywhere.
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crfoursquare makes apps crowley,for mobile phoneshe co-founders of foursquare. that let you connect with your friends to help make the real world easier to use. my smartphone is the one thing that i never leave my house without, and it's the one thing that if i do forget, i go back to pick it up. it would be impossible to do the things that we're doing with foursquare if it wasn't for all the technology you find in a smartphone. blue shirt: when the technology's right, anything can happen. vo: get a free samsung galaxy nexus 4g lte on verizon. only at best buy. you've got to be kidding me. sweetie, help us settle this. i say this and this is called southern hospitality. well, i call it the clean getaway. [ scoffs ] you're both wrong. it's the freshy fresh. everyone knows that. i didn't know that. oh yeah, that's what they're saying now. [ female announcer ] nothing leaves you feeling cleaner and fresher than the cottonelle care routine. try them together. then name it on facebook.
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♪ my crowning achievement thus far. mom took a bunch of amazing pictures. but she can't share them. it's her data plan. she's stressing about overages because she already downloaded a fifteen megabyte cat video. [ laughing ] aww. you have to see this. i've already seen it, nana. like a hundred times. [ male announcer ] why limit your iphone? switch to sprint. the only network with truly unlimited data for your iphone. degree created an antiperspirant that's just as strong. degree clinical protection. up to three times the strength of a basic antiperspirant.
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i think mitt romney's really out of touch with the average woman's health issues... this is not the 1950s. contraception is so important to women... it's about a woman being able to make decisions.s... i don't rememberer anyone as extreme as romney... i'll cut off funding to planned parenthood. i don't think mitt romney can even understand the mindset of someone who has to go to planned parenthood. planned parenthood. we're going to get rid of that. i think romney would definitely drag us back... >> jimmy: hi there. still to come, trey songz will be with us. you know our next guest from "mad men," "united states of tara" and "rachel getting married."
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now you can see her in the new comedy "the watch." >> grab my jacket. >> oh, thank goodness. it's the leader of the neighborhood watch. >> abby -- >> i'm forming a little club, too. and it's only got one opening -- oh my god! >> go out, go out. get out. >> is that -- >> nice to meet you. >> get out! >> i'm a dear friend of evan -- >> she doesn't care. >> jimmy: "the watch" opens on friday. please welcome rosemarie dewitt. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you feel the earthquake last night? >> i didn't. i slept through it. >> jimmy: there you go. did your husband wake up? >> i don't know. he's in chicago. he probably didn't feel it either. >> jimmy: for those that don't know, your husband is ron livingston. one of my favorites, actor-wise. >> one of my favorites, too.
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>> jimmy: "swingers" he was in. >> "adaptation." >> jimmy: working in chicago right now? >> yeah. >> jimmy: having a good summer so far? >> yeah, i've been away from home a lot. so, i'm trying to stay in town because if i'm gone too long, ron gets a little weird. >> jimmy: in what way? >> you know, he'll start sleeping really late, eating potato chips for dinner, you know. he reverts back to his bachelor days, which can be a little suspect. [ laughter ] i'll give you an example from when we were dating. >> jimmy: good. >> you know, he's out with his little brother, you want to come meet us for food. i'm like, it's late. but i'll come over in the morning and take you out to brunch. i come over the next day, 1:00 p.m. i go up in his bedroom and he hasn't slept in his bed. i'm like, huh. must have fell asleep on the couch. couch has not been slept in. i'm like -- he didn't come home last night. now my heart is racing. bad thoughts going through my head. i hear a noise in his office.
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i poke my head in. he turns around from the computer, like, caught. wearing his clothes from the night before. and i'm like, hey. >> he's like, hey. i'm like, did you just get home? he's like, no. i'm like, you didn't. what time did you get in? i don't know, around 1:00 a.m. really, you've been sitting there for 12 hours? now, this is the part where he likes to say he wishes he was sitting with a stripper and an eight-ball. he thinks it would be better than what was really going on. and then, the scene starts coming into focus. i see the costco size of cheese doodles. three cans of soda. i'm like, you're trying to tell me you've been sitting there for 12 hours. he's like, yeah, and i did get to level 45 on "world of warcraft." i'm like, oh, my god! so -- [ applause ] like -- i guess that's impressive. >> jimmy: yeah. i guess. >> not to your future wife. that just makes you really
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nervous. >> jimmy: to your nephew, super impressive. maybe to your 8-year-old son. very, very impressive. not your fiancee, by any means. >> i need to stay close. >> jimmy: when you are there, do you prevent him from doing that? >> yeah, the child thing on the computer. no, i'm kidding. yeah, no, no, we just spend a lot of time together, you know. he -- he jokingly tells people, because everyone knows i'm not very domestic and they're like, what are you going to do for food, how are you going to live with ro? and i hear ron say, i give it three to five years and she'll be cooking. we're coming up on three years, i've been really trying this summer to cook. and it's like -- hospital food. >> jimmy: what sort of things have you been trying to cook? >> all sorts of things. but i look at the recipe, i'm like, god, that's a lot of butter. really, that much garlic? and i just leave it out and things come out terrible. i made him veggie curry, it was like my best hit so far.
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and then ron's eating it, he's like -- and he found a hair in it. and i was like -- oh, no. and so, i apologized. he's like no big deal. it's delicious. and then i came home the next day from running an errand and he had put a "b" in the window, like, the health code, you know? [ laughter ] like in a restaurant? and i was like -- and i was like, ron, i worked in restaurants, you have to do a lot more than that to get a b. if you think a hair -- >> jimmy: what filthy things you have seen in restaurants that you've worked? >> that sounds so sexual. >> jimmy: yeah, it does. >> well, i worked -- i waited tables, i remember being in the walk-in once and one of the bartenders, your boots get really dirty behind the bar, just stepped in a bucket of marinara, looked at me, was like, don't tell anybody. i was like, okay. cases of hepatitis later.
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>> jimmy: there was a bucket of mar -- i'm back on that now. calm down, you animals. they are very upset about the pot thing. >> red sauce. >> jimmy: did you eat there again? >> once you work at a restaurant, you know you're never going to eat there. there was a restaurant in new york city that i love and i had seen mice in the dining room -- >> jimmy: you did not. >> i still kept eating there until i saw, like, a mutant mouse. it was missing an arm and it looked like lisa kudrow castrated it or something. it was like -- like something was wrong. then, when the mice weren't healthy, then -- >> jimmy: what's what you look for? find a very healthy mouse, then you know you're eating in a good restaurant? >> yeah. they say, i think i read it recently, that in new york, you are never more than two feet away from a mouse or a rat? >> jimmy: i think of that constantly when i'm in new york.
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when -- because people put the garbage out on the street and i'm constantly surveying for rats. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: because i hate -- i hate rats. >> yeah. i had an ex-boyfriend who had that problem. when you have that much of a phobia, they find you, everywhere you go. you do walking through washington square park and he'd slip and, like, don't look back, baby. and he would have stepped in, like, a dead -- you know what i mean? one time he was directing me in a play and i looked out in the audience, i was like -- what was that? i said, i think there's a rabbit in the theater. he jumped up on the seat. >> jimmy: a rabbit? >> i knew he would be scared. he would direct from this chair and one night we're doing the show and all the lights cues are off. in the middle of the scene, the lights just go down, they come back up before i'm sitting in my chair. i hit my head, everything was crazy. and i go back up and i was like, what's happening? everything, what were you, are you smoking, what's going on here? >> jimmy: marinara sauce?
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>> exactly. and so he said, what happened was, he was running the light booth, and the rat -- we called it "the rat" -- >> jimmy: the famous rat. >> the one rat in new york city comes into the light booth. he had to shine the light on it and he had to guess, like, with all the other cues. >> jimmy: he was doing an interrogation or something? >> because new york city rats are like really ballsy. they don't back down. they just stay on you, like, it's you or me. >> jimmy: yeah. that would -- i would have got right out of there. the show would not have gone on. >> you would have bolted. >> jimmy: the movie is very funny. all-star comedy cast there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i imagine it was fun. and even if it wasn't, you wouldn't -- >> i would lie. no, it was fun, i mean, you appreciate, like, jonah, that clip that you just showed, everything gets improvised and once he saw me in that outfit, he just kept trying to kiss me.
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>> jimmy: i noticed that. >> he was like, hey, baby. >> jimmy: constantly trying to kiss you. >> it was fun. >> jimmy: did he do it more than we actually wind up seeing in the movie? >> yeah, i don't know -- there's other places. >> jimmy: i get you. >> and he caught me a couple of times, you know what i mean? he kissed me. >> jimmy: he got you. >> that jonah hill. >> jimmy: very funny. congratulations. tell ron i said hello. rosemarie dewitt, everyone. "the watch" opens friday. we'll be right back with trey songz.
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>> jimmy: his new album comes out august 21st. it is called "chapter 5." here with the song "heart attack," trey songz. >> what's up? what's up? ♪ oh ♪ oh
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♪ we share something so common ♪ still so rare ♪ uncommon all never been here before so high ♪ ♪ we're still climbing even here inside these walls breaking each other's hearts and we don't care ♪ ♪ cause we're so in too deep can't think about giving it up but i never knew ♪ ♪ love would feel like a heart attack it's killing me swear i never ♪ ♪ cried so much cause i never knew love would hurt bad ♪ ♪ oh ♪ never never never never knew love ♪ ♪ oh
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♪ the worst pain that i ever had outta times when i know i should be smiling seems to be the time ♪ ♪ that i frown the most can't believe that we still suffering cause i'm slowly ♪ ♪ breaking down even when i hold you close and if i lose you i'm afraid i would lose ♪ ♪ who i gave my love to that's the reason i stay around even though i fell way ♪ ♪ in too deep can't think about giving it up but i never knew ♪ ♪ love would feel like a heart attack it's killing me swear i never ♪
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♪ cried so much cause i never knew love would hurt this bad ♪ ♪ the worst pain that i ever had ♪ ♪ oh never never never knew love would hurt ♪ ♪ oh ♪ worst pain that i ever had ♪ and it hurts ♪ cause i wanna leave and you wanna leave but the love keeps us together ♪ ♪ and if i lose you i'm afraid i would lose who i gave my love to that's the reason ♪ ♪ i stay around even though i fell way in too deep can't think about ♪ ♪ giving it up but i never knew love would feel like a heart
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